Saturday, August 4, 2007

Hi... This entry is dedicated to my PRI6 friend, I am force to put this entry is because its for her birthday present. So I had no choice. This entry is similar to the entries below, but the characters are my PRI6 friend. So actually this entry is not for my class to read. But enjoy it since I'm making an excpetion. Title : Choo Kok Wee and the Toilet of Fire. Made by : Me. Dedicated to : Tiffany Lim. (Haiz.. gotta finish it by Saturday). ANYWAY.... comment about it pls.. =P

***************** *****************

So let begin with- Once upon a time, there was a school called ''Bogwarts School Of Retardcraft and Stupidry''. And the school was similar to ''Woodbridge Mental Hospital'', except that the people studying at the School is retarded when they are born. Unlike other people got retarded when they got stress. This retarded usually comes out more obvious when the person reaches 11. Which about that age they would be amitted to Bogwarts. Some with not so serious case would be amitted to IOTRACORPIHFASFABWTC. The founder of Bogwarts live almost a thousand years ago, they are called Gahel Puffhuffle, Dricgo Doorfingriff, Wenaro Clawvenra and Sarlaza Rinethesly. And not long after, Bogwarts was divided to 4 parts, they are called Puffhuffle, Doorfingiff, Clawvenra and Rinethesly. And Kok Wee went to the most noobiest house - Puffhuffle. Which he usually called it ''Pafhavvfle''. He was often demerit for pronuncing the name wrongly, and one night he was sent to wash toilet.
Meanwhile the School headmaster is Pofessor Strawberry - female*. She often touture Kok Wee to misery by writing line, Kok Wee force to write- ''I will not look too stupid because I am a student of Bogwarts, and I will up hold the honour of Bogwarts. The pledge is We the citizen of Singapore, pledge ourself as one united people. Regardless of race, language or religion, to build a democratic soceity. Base on justice and equality, so as to acheive peace, happiness and progress for our nation. and the pledge is not called Tinky Winky Dispy Lala Po, teletubby teletubby say harlo.'' For 50000 times and to be finish by the next day, and everytime Kok Wee can't finish the lines, it will double. So Kok Wee owe Pofessor 246678422679654120 lines. As he wrote 20 per 24hr. 20 lines/ 1 day.
As Kok Wee was washing the girls toilet, Pofferssor Strawberry stepped in and secretly drop a pile of shit on the floor. When Kok Wee spun around, she was gone. Leaving a piece a shit on the foor, so Kok Wee cleaned it and said ''I feel like a Kok Wee... I don't want to wash toilet and write lines. It was about 4 in the morning when he wash finish he toilet. on his way he met Timothy. Timothy - 120cm, age13 , always fail to woo gals because he is retard. He ws lying on the floor with at least 20 slaps on his face, and he was crawling back to dormitory. Kok Wee accidentally stepped on Timothy's face and walked back to the dormitory. Poor Timothy, he was already slapped on the face by Lim Shi Hui for trying to woo her, and he was stepped on the face by Kok Wee. ''Just my luck...'' He thought.
******** *******
Tomorow came too quickly that it was equal to Shawn being slapped in the face and reacted. Kok Wee was Moon-Bathing his butt by the window. His butt is now shining sliver, and when he wore his pant, you can even see the glow in his undewear. Todays breakfast at the Small Hall is vegetable with carrot. Kok Wee gave a look of disdain and was given detention to wash toilet by Pofessor Strawberry. After Pofessor gave Kok Wee detention, she announce that the TRI - RETARD tournenment will be host in Bogwarts this year, something the school did not did for 5 century. Cheers exploded in the Small Hall, making half the ceiling collpased and killed Timothy.. After Timothy funeral was held (no one was sad actually), Pofessor Strawberry continued ''The TRI - RETARD is held here this year is because the other schools has collasped. Because Irag war is going on, now the school will compete with each other, in terms of Stupidity, Idioticy and Retardiness. The competitors would be selected by the Toilet of Fire!' *crowd gasped* '' yes.. the Toilet of Fire, and let me warn you.. an age cubical is surrounding it, so younger students could not go in. Any submitter would take a toilet roll and wipe it in your arse. The Toilet of Fire will then see the DNA of the person, and see how retard is he. Let me repeat, you muct drop the toilet roll INTO the toilet roll, not eat it, like what a few of our elder students did when they went to Strangdum to submitt themself.''- Chad figet restlessly (He had ate the toilet roll last year)...
********* *********
The next day... Pofessor Strawberry gave Kok Wee an age pass, so he could go to the Toilet of Fire and wash it. Kok Wee was very excited when he revieved his 1st pass of his life that he wet his pants. Later that day, the retarded people of Bogwarts was allowed to go outside the school for fresh air. So Kok Wee wander outside school and was a man cheering about something that happened about 13 years ago, around the same time Kok Wee was born. The man shouted with joy at Kok Wee ''Hi young man! Ahh, 13 years has past since the dark days.. ahh blessings to my eye, I had enough of that face, it nearly burned my eyes out..'' Kok Wee asked ''Wa?? Huai buarn or ayes..??'' The man replied ''Ahh, young man.. you might not know.. 13 years ago was the darkest day of mankind.. Because at that time...'' *Water ripples effect, the secne turns white, as thought thinking of the past* *Then a picture of a graveyard appears with the uglies and fattest girl in the whole wide world-Wong Shi Hui* A group of people was trying to oppose her, taking rubber duckies ready to throw at her. But when the rubber duckies was flying to her she looked at it and the rubber ducky exploded. Because the face was too ugly. The people who was attacking her screamed and lie on the floor jerking and twitching.. their eyes was buring and it had turned blood red. The ugly Wong Shi Hui advanced towards the group of people, ready to do the last blow until.... Pofessor Strawberry arrived holding a piece of mirror on her hands and a girl behind her. She is also wearing a blindfold, then suddenly Wong Shi Hui (We shall call her She Who Must Not Be Seen/Raped) flew towards her. Pofessor Lim held the mirror to You-Know-Who face.. then You-Know-Who screamed.. she saw an ugly face in the mirror, but with an arm full of fat, she swipe the mirror away, ready for another attempt to attack Pofessor Strawberry. Pofessor Strawberry then shoved the girl called Yun Rong to You-Know-Who's face. She screamed in terror because she had saw the 2nd ugliest girl in the whole wide world. After 5 seconds of screaming, You-Know-Who exploded like an atomic bomb.
After that was world peace. Japan surrendered, and World War 2 was over. (lol..I mean You-Know-Who's supporters disband and peace was restored ) *Water ripples effects, the secne turns white, as thought returning to the present* Kok Wee staring open mouthed at the man, whose eyes was bleeding with a spoonful of emotion as though thinking of the sweetest memory of his life. After that Kok Wee returned to school to do his detention. After making a wrong direction for an 1hr, he made it to the Toilet of Fire, holding the mop and towel, ready to clean it. Then he saw it.. the Toilet of Fire, there was a bunch of toilet rolls beside it, about 50 rolls. Kok Wee took it and started wiping it on his arse. After wiping, he felt that his arse is still dirty, so he took another one and wipe, until 2 toilet rolls is left. And Kok Wee dumped all the toilet rolls with his shit on it into the Toilet of Fire, and walked away... Meanwhile, late at night, 2 people took the age pass from Kok Wee when he was sleeping and made their way towards the Toilet of Fire....
******** ********
The day of the selection came too early.. everybody went to the Small Hall and waited for the Toilet of Fire to announce the results. Pofessor Strawberry told Benedict to take the Toilet to the Hall. After 1hr, the Toilet came and was placed on the Headmistress table, which broke as the table could not take the weight. So after fixing the table, the Toilet is ready to make its choice, the 1st name came out. The water sprayed all around on the people and teachers, together with a piece of toilet paper. The paper was wrote in shit. Pofessor Strawberry took it and said ''Shawn'' *clapping* next came the 2nd name, the toilet paper said it was ''Chester'' *clapping and jeering'* next came the last name, 48 toilet paper came out of it, ''Kok Wee'' *no clapping, a lot more jeering, even more booing, throwing of fruit skin and question asking ''Kok Wee?'' * Pofessor Strawberry did not say anything, but gave Kok Wee detention. Later that evening she told the 3 selected retards to go to her office. She said to them ''Ok retards listen up, on the 4/4/04 you will compete in stealing the egg from a single ant.'' Chester gave a gasp and fainted, Kok Wee screamed and run towards the door and knock his head on it and fainted, Shawn smiled and fainted....
On the day of the competition Kok Wee, Shawn and Chester was given protective underwear in case of serious bite from the worker ant in the ****. Pofessor Strawberry looked through the office window, wondering how the 3 retards will do on the competition. She was worried sick about them for being perfectly well. It is because she had made a bet with her student Benedict that all 3 of them will injure themself in the attempt to get the egg. Now she found out that they had been given the protective underwear, she is not so sure. However... she need not worry.....>=) ... Shawn fainted at the sight of the ant and was sent to the hospital for immediate rescue as he was mouth had given out white foam.. Chester walked into the cage where the ant and the egg was. He pick up the egg and was so digusted by the feel of the egg that he was sent to the hospital for the same reason as Shawn. Kok Wee was luckier, he went into cage squashed the ant and picked up the egg and was 1st in the 1st task, then late at night he was spitting out foam out of his mouth and having fit, fortunately everyone was sleeping and did not spotted him for having seizure. He was sent to the hospital the next day, in the ICU ward. Pofessor Lim won the bet. >=)
After Kok Wee was back to his feet, Pofessor Strawberry called the 3 retards to her office and told them about 2nd and the last task. ''You will have to go into the school pipe to retrieve what you sorely missed, you have 1 month think about how to go the middle of the school pipe. Pofessor Strawberry felt uncomfortable about it, she think that going into the school pipe is too easy, as long as you are skinny enough...
************* *************
So Kok Wee, Chester and Shawn went to the libary to find ways to go into the pipe of the school. The search the first book ''Ways to Sneak into A Girls Bathroom's Pipe'' but there is nothing but pervertic stuff inside. So they tried the second book ''Man who Loved Sneaking Into Pipe So Much'' but they only got as much results as the previous book. They search the whole month until the last task came. Kok Wee walk to the Small Hall, which the last task would be held. Shawn and Chester was already at there ready to do the task. Pofessor Straberry said across the whole of the Small Hall ''Ok shut up now, the last task is about to start. The 3 retards are ready, they will try and get into the middle of the school pipe and retrieve the stuff they sorely missed. The task will start in 3 seconds, 3..2..1 start....'' Chester took out a drill and drill the floor making his way into the pipe, bringing the half collapsed ceiling to collasped totally, killing Pofessor Strawberry's 2 best friend, Ke Xin and Jodi, Cheryl, another of Pofessor Strawberry's friend survived as she was too short, so the ceiling did not hit her. Shawn ran outside the Small Hall and knocked his head on a wall, believing that if he died he would turned into a ghost and went to the pipe easier. but Kok Wee was the best, he lost his head completely and ran to the girl's toilet. After an hour, Chester dug half a cm on the floor and Shawn was still dying- he had not died yet. And Kok Wee was still inside the toilet, figuring a way to go in the pipe. After one day, Chester was 2 cm from the pipe and Shawn had died, but he did not come back as ghost, so he is counted as disqualified. Kok Wee figured out a way to get to the pipe, he flush himself using the toilet bowl with shit and urine. He navigated his way by farting into smaller pipes to go into more branches of pipe. Chester finally broke through the floor and into the pipe too, and he went in...It was a race between 2 man, a race that could not be interfered by anybody.. or could it..?
Some where far far away, a girl called Li Min was holding something that looked like a baby, but it does not look like a baby at all it looked 298475782018375732139293858929 times worst.. with a head full of fats and eye balls so sinister that the camera could not look at it in the eye, so I can't get a full complete view of it to explain what it looks like.. The baby- like figure said in a low grunting voice ''Is the last task held today..?'' Li Min replied ''Y-Yes, my ugliness, it had held for a day already, perhap the retards couldn't get through the task..'' ''Slience! Don't assume that they would not come.. your toilet flushing charm will still work for another week right..? Yes.. the later they come the more retard their brains are and the better it is for my regeneration, I will take his brain and revive!!! Then I wil rule the world!! *cough cough* sorry, its a little cold here, lets go back...'' And the pair walked back to the rabbit hole...
Meanwhile, after 2 hr of navigation, Kok Wee saw it.. the Barbie Doll he used to play when he was young... and Chester was it too, to him it is a ****, he long wanted to have one but due to homo problem, he can't have one...Both of the retards rushed towards the Barbie Doll and the ****, it was a battle of determination.. and the amount of fart they posess to reach their destination. Chester's fart ran out 1st, but he grab hold of Kok Wee at the nose and hung on tight... Kok Wee made a swipe for the Barbie Doll.. yes! He caught it, he is the Champion Of Retards! Just as he was thinking of going back to the toilet the toilet flushing charm activated, and Kok Wee and Chester was sucked into a wirlpool of shit and urine....
Within 5 seconds, Kok Wee and Chester was flush out to the graveyard, confetii burst out of nowhere and Christmas song was sang. Then the door of the rabbit hole burst open and there it was, a ugly baby and a Li Min. Chester and Kok Wee stared at the both of them open mouthed. And there came a voice ''Kill the spare..'' Li Min stuffed a rudder ducky on Chester mouth and ran away with the baby. Kok Wee and Chester stared at each other, then without warning Chester's head exploded with a ''Poop!!'' and dung started flying all around. Because Chester's got dungs for brains, Kok Wee laid unconsious due to the impact of the explosion. Li Min tied Kok Wee on the tree and stuffed a baked potato in his mouth. She then took a chopper and cut open Kok Wee's head open like opening a duiran and took the brain out. She then dropped the brain into a water bottle. ''Hurry!'' came the baby's voice.. Li Min shivered as she swing the baby around until it fainted, then she stuffed the baby into the bottle with brain in it. She took out an egg beater and beat the brain and the baby together, finally forming a shit- like substance. Li Min placed the bottle on the floor and walked away, her job done...
Just then, Kok Wee woke up, he felt so light- headed (literally) he looked around and realized that he had no more brain, but it did not made any difference (Kok Wee no need one). Then he looked around again aand saw the water bottle, the water bottle exploded and a fat figure rose from it. Kok Wee screamed like he never screamed before, because She Who Must Not Be Seen/Raped has risen again (partially is because she is naked, that sight is enough to kill people). Kok Wee ripped the ropes binding to him apart and started running. You-Know-Who snapped her fingers and fire surrounded at the area, and with the 2nd snap of the finger Kok Wee was tied to the tree again. You-Know-Who stepped towards Li Min and said ''Lift your right arm up,'' Li Min lift her arm, on the forearm there was a fading tatoo of a angry sticking man pointing middle finger, You-Know-Who pressed her finger on the tatoo, it turn jet black and the stick man moved around pointing more middle fingers. Li Min shouted in agony.
About 5 seconds later, about 20 people flushed themself to the graveyard.. kneeling down infront of You-Know-Who wearing blindfolds. After 10mins of groping around, they formed a circle. You-Know-Who said, '' Welcome, welcome my FaceEaters.. 13 years it has been, I hope you are well? I think so, but what about me? What about your Ugly Master? Did you not care about the Master who had showed you defined ways of cruelty, who had gave you fame you would not have dreamed of in your life? I answer it myself, they believed me broken, they believe that my ruined face and fats is no more, and they sough ignorance and bewitchment to return back to normal society...-'' The FaceEaters shook their heads voilently, one FaceEater even took off his blindfold and kneel down at You-Know-Who and said ''No master.. you are so ugly.. even without puprosely making it so, uglier than my home frog, how can we believe that your face is broken? Forgive me master.. forgive us all!'' You-Know-Who laughed, ''Forgive you? Forgive you? I want 13 years of repayment before I forgive, take off your blindfolds now!'' And so the FaceEaters took of their blindfolds, and stared at You-Knw-Who, their eye started burning, but not as much as last time. It is because the Ugly Lord did not come back to full power yet.. she is too engrossed my touturing her followers she did not notice Kok Wee trying to wriggle free.. and she said ''Is that enough? Or do you want more..?-'' The FaceEater shook their heads violently, some still rubbing their eyes, '' Of couse.. some of you may ask.'How do you achieve this immotality Master?' I'll tell you.. 13 years ago, when the Strawberry use Yun Rong to defeated me I exploded like an atomic bomb.. I was ripped from my body, I was less then a sprit, less than the meanest ghost, but still I was alive.. And so I flee to people houses's pipe.. the only power that was left in me is the stare that kills, but it is only strong enough to kill animal at that moment.. I made good use of my powers, the vapour-like state of me will stare at an ant until it dies and I ate it.. Other time I would wait.. and wait until one of my faithful FaceEater will come and rescue me.. Many of them found me, but they couldn't see me, they sometimes stepped on me or kick me in my face, but I tolerate, until Li Min came along..'' (I shall cut short.. if not too long, and so Li Min found You-Know-Who, slapped her silly and bring it back to the graveyard, where her home is.)
You-Know-Who turned around and saw Kok Wee playing with the Barbie Doll that he got a few hours perviously, her eyes flash shit colour and the Barbie Doll's head exploded. Kok Wee cried and shouted, ''That one is the limited edition Barbie Doll! Why you explode it! It come in with a Superman action figure and Babie Doll house de! The Barbie Doll also can talk one... waaaaaaaa...'' Kok Wee press the buttom on the back of the remains of the Barbie Doll, it said ''Damn you Kok Balls, damn you, damn your eyes. You see la, how am I suppose to face my beloved Superman action figure.... damn youu..!!'' and the Barbie Doll stopped moving - It was dead.. Kok Wee howl with sadness and throw the Barbie Doll at You-Know-Who, that force that Kok Wee used was so great that he fall of balance and fell into the toilet flushing charm, he was going back.. but it was not over yet..
Pofessor Strawberry stepped into the graveyard and saw You-Know-Who howling in rage that she had been thrown at. Strawberry stepped foward and throw a sleeping powder at the group, You-Know-Who dodge just in time but her followers fell asleep... ''It was foolish to pick this place a rebirth spot Bitch.. behind my house?'' said Strawberry. ''By the time I've done with you, I would no longer be!'' shouted You-Know-Who back. She blinked her eyes and everything in her range of sight exploded, but Strawberry didn't as she was holding a piece of mirror, with a howl of rage You-Know-Who threw her fat at the mirror, and wa la, head shot. The mirror was dripping with fats, no longer able to reflect anything, by the time the fat touched the mirror, Strawberry flicked her mouth, and the force of the spit that emanated from it was so great that everything around it vibrated and You-Know-Who was hit in the head, a lump started growing.. Strawberry spit again, this time she was ready, You-Know-Who did a matrix and dodge the spit. When the spit touched the floor, the floor sizzled and burned a hole.. It was You-Know-Who's turn, she took a few lump of fat and threw at Strawberry, Strawberry took out a fan and started blowing it, the fat changes direction and hit You-Know-Who in the face. ''And extract from my favourite book ' Newton law of gravity Chapter3 verse 12 : anything that come flying in your direction can be redirected by a swish of a fan. I found out when I was feeding my baby by throwing food at him when he took out a fan and redirected the food..' '' said Strawberry, who had just said the defination of the law of gravity by Newton. You-Know-Who scream and exploded like a nuclear bomb this time...
Strawberry turned and left, with a slight smile in her face.. And she turned and Disflusheed.. back to the school to give Kok Wee detention for being the Champion of Retards..
And they all lived happily ever after when You-Know-Who died. Kok Wee was known as the king of retards when he was brought back to school, everyone hugged and kissed Kok Wee, their main purpose was to paste a sticker of ''I am a Retard'' onto his back. So Kok Wee walked back to his room and lay asleep sucking his middle finger, wondering how many toilets and lines he would be washing and writing repectively tomorrow... As all was well until.... a dark hooded figure came up to Kok Wee and KICK HIS ARSE!!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZ
******** The End *******

The this was made when I was sick, so don't blame me if it is not funny, because I don't think anyone would still have a sense of humour when they are sick. =) , but I'm ok now.. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY IF YOU ARE READING IT!! COMMENT IT PLS, I DON'T WANT 0 COMMENTS ON MY BLOG TY!!

All the characters in the story are my Pri6 friends and they have nothing to do in my PRESENT class, any stuff that happened in real life is similar to the story have nothing to do with it. If anybody feels sick or giddy after reading it, I recommend you stop reading now. This story is under the catergory of PG -Parents Guidiance. If anyone feels offended, I apologise to you sincerely. =)
Credits.. Everything me!

BY YIKY. so damn bloody nice right?!

POST BY TIFFANYY

10:57 PM
We will still be FRIENDS F0REVER[: